“I am done!”
*Add a couple of expletives you didn’t know you had in your vocabulary*
A girl i used to know
Ah, I know that one. Quitting your Master’s degree program, or any higher education program really.
After more than half a year in a cycle of “quitting” and “conjuring strength and interest”, I completed my graduate studies in a rather rigorous (yes, this word) academic setting. Here are a few of the things that helped. I have phrased them as five questions to ask when you feel like quitting your Master’s degree, or any graduate program.
Post Map
A little about my experience
I got to that point a few times. In fact, and honestly, I quit my Master’s degree program at least three times in my head and to some close associates (never my father though, you should not tell him!).
It took me a while to realize that the world was bigger than the layered walls of all those thick textbooks and academic buildings.
I wish I had the wisdom to be kinder and easier on myself much earlier in the program, but alas, this is redemption. So, I am writing this for myself. I am also writing this to a younger version of me – hey beautiful! If it helps somebody, that’s just a bonus.
It felt like it was just me…
Whenever I hit that point, it felt like it was just me. (Get thee behind me!)
But it wasn’t.
Recently I was on a call as a mentor to some graduate students, and I remember hearing this ordeal much like it was my own. I paused for a second. My mind is rather loudly recounting some of those moments of utter distress during my year as a graduate student.
But it was not my mind – she knows better, now. It was somebody else on the screen in front of me.
Not my proudest moment, but I burst out into uncontrollable laughter. (Bless his heart for laughing with me.)
The story about quitting the Master’s was is the same.
You get a bad grade, hit a block in an essay, and remember you have 87 academically-laden pages to read for the class tomorrow, and it all feels too much.
What exactly is the point of this misery? Why does everyone in class seem to be clued in and on top of things and I not so much, and on and on, and on, it goes.
Poor guy.
However, other mentees and mentors felt that way, too, to my surprise.
PS: I came back to insert the below image because talk about #timely! Somebody I love would say s.e.r.e.n.d.i.p.i.t.y. Imagine that.
The five questions
Here are the five (5) questions you have to ask yourself when things start to feel overwhelming and quitting becomes like candy for your mind.
1. Is it just me that wants to quit this degree?
The answer to this is often “No”.
It is true.
Many people you interact with may be playing real cool, but that boat is enormous – and you’re all in there, rocking and swaying.
For one reason or another, we’ve all assumed a macho façade of sorts. And the result of that is not beneficial to anyone because best believe there’s at least five thinking, at the same time, about quitting their Master’s degree program as well. Instead, what ends up happening is we give the illusion that all is OK. It seems, then, that everyone but us “has it together”, and for those visibly hurting, this illusion can be damning.
And it’s false.
If this little mentoring session and my experience are anything to go by, we could also be a little more vulnerable and open with where we’re and allow the collective shoulders of people around us to help.
So speak to your friends. Share the challenges. And find some comfort and wind of strength to think through ways to destress, help each other, and sometimes, just laugh the misery off.
2. Is there help available?
Many schools have academic support services; find them.
There is no shame in that. In fact, that’s the major key (be inspired by DJ Khaled) to succeeding.
There are people who have been trained and well-versed to help you navigate what sometimes feels like a confusing maze of academia, especially at the graduate school level. Seek them out and allow yourself the opportunity to get answers, understand the preferred way of doing things (believe me, that’s often the problem, not you), and meet some brilliant people!
3. What do I need right now?
This is a question we are not used to asking but should ask more often.
The extent of even realizing this is a question to ask yourself may very well depend on how you’ve been socialized and how in touch you are with the different ways your body reacts/responds to the environment.
If you think this is ‘soft’, you are not wrong. It is.
But tell me, what precious item do you own that isn’t treated with caution? You protect and carry it (or them) around as delicately as ever.
And yet, you don’t do the same for your self.
You, my dear friend, are the prize. Put some respect on yourself.
You deserve care in intentional ways.
So, when the going gets tough, take some time to ask and understand what is it that I need right now? Your body, soul, and/or spirit will tell you if you listen close enough.
4. What would make me consider finishing Master’s program?
You can think about this in two ways:
“Why”
Why did you choose to do this program? If you can remind yourself of why you chose this path and the benefit it would bring to you, family or society, you will find an audacious gust of wind to place the current challenge in context and march on.
“remind yourself that your voice is needed, your scholarship is impactful, and your representation is important.” I could not have said it better than that. And that’s on what? There you go, you go this.”
Dr Ijeoma Kola
“What for?”
It is also helpful to understand how the degree will help you become the person you would like to be. Funny enough, the immediate thought is often job-related: ambassador, economist, lawyer, doctor, etc.
One thing I am starting to free myself from is how my academia contributes to the kind of person I am and becoming. Not so much the identity but what it allows me to do.
“Let go of the thing that you’re trying to be (the noun), and focus on the actual work you need to be doing (the verb). Doing the verb will take you someplace further and far more interesting than just wanting the noun.”
Austin Kleon
Find the strength in what you stand to gain to be able to do the things you want to do or find interesting, or can vaguely connect to—little wins.
5. Am I hungry?
Let’s be honest, half the time, at the peak of our frustration, we are facing some serious hormonal imbalance.
❤
As a self-proclaimed and certified foodie, life can feel very overwhelming, dark, heightened, blasé, hopeless…, when I am hungry. I am not even exaggerating – and my people know.
Ask yourself, “are we hungry?” And it may not be hunger per se, maybe a craving.
So, go out and get yourself that bubble tea, mochi, plantain chips, or chocolate.
Yes, for me, it’s sometimes one of those things.
When my hormones are out of whack, it can sometimes make me want to quit school, friends, and even work.
Soothe it, and it will pass.
So, those are the five (5) questions to ask yourself when you feel like quitting your Master’s degree, or any traditional educational pursuit really.
If you haven’t figured it out already, I am rooting for you. You are not quitting your Master’s degree easily.
I wrote this to give you another reason to find (or make) a way to overcome the downtrodden days and rigour of our academic institutions. It helped me.
Caveat to quitting your Master’s degree – if you really need to
The issue about whether academic ventures need to be this rigorous and daunting is a discussion we perhaps need to have at some point. But today, I want to tell you there are many people who have walked, trudged, limped and crawled across this line, and we are all lending you energy; you can do this – and you will.
If, however, you have the flexibility to press pause – leave of absence and the likes – take it. Take the breather and bask in the knowledge that slowing things down a bit most likely does not matter in the grand scheme of time. So if you don’t need to, don’t say you’re quitting the degree!
Thanks for reading.
If you’ve got any thoughts on this, similar experiences, or links to articles or books that you’ve found helpful in managing the tough days as a student, I would really love to hear from you. Reply below, tweet at me @marienoelleobj, or email me through the contact tab. I read all the replies and would love to highlight some measures that can encourage others.
Have a fantastic week! And yes, I am back 🙂
Marie-Noelle
xx
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